A Letter to a Loved One

I want to say thank you for accepting me for the way I am, eczema scars and all…you helped to build up confidence I thought I had lost in my teens…Thank you for allowing me to love my body when for nearly 8 years now I have been so ashamed of it, cringing internally. Thank you for not commenting on my scars, for loving me, eczema and all…because it has made me love myself. I do not feel ashamed around you and I will always love you for that…I have never felt that way before and so I thank you….

 

I want to thank for you not making me feel ashamed of my blog when you found out about it but rather making me feel it was a positive, you made me feel proud of this site when I had kept it hidden for so long feeling no one would understand its purpose, my journey, my struggle….You are the only one in my life who knows about it and I want to thank you for being so supportive. You have made me less afraid of those around me knowing this is my struggle, my journey, because you loved me still even after knowing this is me, that this journey is a part of me…. You have been there for me through the pain, the struggles when I’ve been at a loss of what to do next, when the eczema has sprung up and made me not even want to leave the house…

 

I remember how it flared for the first time after we got together and I was scared. You had not seen my eczema yet and I was worried I would lose you when the flare up spread to my face, I feared the worst, I avoided meeting you….but you invited me over when I told you what was bothering me and didn’t wince, you didn’t comment, you just made me feel I could smile through the pain which I could never do before and I will never forget that day because for once, I felt comfortable with my eczema flared….I’ll let you in on a secret….when I was living out at university and my eczema was flared all over my face, neck, arms, shoulders and stomach…it was heartbreaking, sat here remembering brings tears to my eyes because I still hold the pain of that time in my heart….I will never forget it because of how devastated and lost I felt, how alone.…I would wake up, pray it had calmed, look in the mirror, cry myself into hysteria and get back into bed wishing that sleep could take me away from the reality which was physically and emotionally painful….I wouldn’t leave my room until I knew the house was empty because I couldn’t bear to see anyone….yet you helped me to overcome that fear by accepting the eczema as part of me and making me feel that it would all be okay when it happened for the first time after uni…I felt lost but you helped to make me feel that the eczema wasn’t going to do that to me again by making me feel accepted….. I didn’t wake up crying and stay isolated to hide away and for that I thank you….self-inflicted isolation is one of my worst memories of my eczema and you stopped that.

 

You did make me accept the hard truth that there is no cure and it will always be with me…no I didn’t want to hear it, but you were right. I had always hidden away from the fact that I have eczema, choosing to not acknowledge it openly, but now I accept it will always be there but that I can control it and not allow it to take over….Thank you for making me stronger….making me realise it is a part of me and that the fact alone will not tear my life apart….

 

I never realised the impact a sole person can have on an eczema journey until now and I just wanted to say thank you. Choosing to tell you this now may not be the best time, but itmay never be the right time and I want you to know how much I appreciate you.

 

Thank you for making me feel loved and accepted throughout this journey.

 

Thank you for everything.

 

Selina

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