I’m back…and so is my eczema…..

FIRSTLY

I would like to say a huge thank you to everyone who has supported my blog, shared their opinions and stories and helped make this a place I feel eczema sufferers can turn for help! It has been so emotionally overwhelming to read it all and though I am so glad I am not alone, I just hope one day we will all be rid of this!

SECONDLY

I apologise for my absence, life has been hectic and now so is my skin (probably due to life being a bit all over the place!). My neck is once again so itchy, red raw, my upper lip eczema ‘tache is basically back =[, my arms are sore and stiff, and my face looks sore, puffy, and my indian skin tone looks off and dull. And I fear the worst is yet to come….

So I’m back with new found determination to find a more effective way to manage my eczema as if I’m honest with myself, I think:

  • Was I really doing everything I could if it’s come back?
  • Am I just doing little things rather than taking full control of this problem to eliminate bad flare ups for good?
  • Have I just taken a back seat whilst my eczema has been coincidentally calm and (foolishly) thought it will just go alone wihtout an ounce of effort?
  • Have all my efforts been pointless if in one week, my eczema can come back and remind me of the really bad times I don’t want to go back to…?
  • Is there way more I could be doing to fight this?
  • Is it time to really take a fully determined, motivated grip of this skin disease so that flare-ups don’t occur, but if they do they are manageable and bearable.

I have hoped (oh how much I have hoped!) that one day I would wake up and the eczema would be gone, just like that. I’d wake up feeling refreshed, go and look in the mirror and see normal skin, by some sort of miracle the dry, sore, itchy, red eczema would be gone and I’d be left to just enjoy life with the normal stresses and joys of life, rather than have this added burden….Because that is what it is. Eczema is our burden. Every day I wake up with that dreaded feeling that when I look in the mirror it will be back…and that’s the first thing I do when I wake up, I go straight to the mirror and look at my face, my neck…I know it cannot be healthy for me to do this but can you blame me? The fear of an eczema flare-up is just too much at times that seeing the eczema at bay is like a weight off of my shoulders when I wake up. But what is it’s gotten worse….? What if my skin has dried up, gone red and my face looks swollen? Then my mood drops….I fear that it’s back….that dreaded eczema is back. I think about what events I have coming up, I think about what it’s going to look like once I’ve showered, how sore I will feel, how dry my skin will be….how itchy…

You all know how I feel better than anyone. My birthday is coming up and all I can think is am I even going to feel pretty on the day? Or am I going to feel that insecure, self conscious eczema dread at not feeling good about myself at all but having to go out and celebrate when really I am just wishing my eczema would go…. Sometimes, I can put on such a nice outfit, look in the mirror and just feel that my eczema ruins it…it lets me down…it makes me feel down. I try to stay positive but how can we sometimes when all we want is to have normal skin and the eczema just keeps coming back! I want to feel good about myself….I want to feel good about my skin. We have the right to feel good about ourselves don’t we?

Am I doing something wrong? Is it my fault?

Sometimes I think I must be doing something bad, doing something wrong for my skin to do this to me…for my body to do this to me. Is it telling me something internal is wrong? Is it just something we have to deal with and just accept? I strongly feel our bodies are telling us something is wrong, but the frustrating question is what. What do our bodies need us to do? What do we need to do? 

I think that no matter how bad this gets, we cannot blame ourselves. I think it’s not out fault….we’ve just been unlucky, our bodies have been susceptible to this to tell us something is wrong. My whole body feels drained when my eczema flares, my eyes feel tired, I feel like I am constantly exhausted, it isn’t just my skin that looks or feels bad, my whole self does. And though it isn’t our fault this has happened, we can try and help to keep it under control, to fight this with success.

But see asking myself all these questions isn’t going to help, I need to actually do something and not just think about it….but what do I try next? If I’m truly honest with myself, I’ve always made half hearted attempts because I guess sometimes I think why should I have to be strong, make adjustments to my life when my family and friends don’t have to? But the answer is because it’s worth it. Being eczema free or at least being in full control of it means life is better….means I can enjoy life more, and to add to it changing lifestyle for the better isn’t exactly a long term negative. It means I won’t have to deal with the emotional stress of this ordeal: the tears, the anger, the frustration, the exhaustion….

The way eczema makes me feel is my motivation to finally (better late than never!) really try to change  my ways for my skin, for my body, for my whole self. Because like I’ve said….the emotional joys of no eczema is worth it. To wake up and know that I really am doing what I can to fight this skin disease, to help my body to control it must help in itself?

So….. from this week, my lifestyle is going to slowly but surely change. Trying to do everything at once isn’t going to realistically be something which will be easily maintained in the long run so small, determined steps sound better to me. The changes won’t be to the extent that I feel negative about doing them, but changes that will promote health, my wellbeing and things that I want to do…things that I will be able to do long term since eczema is long term. I think that has been my issue so far….nothing has really truly inspired me to continue. Everything ”kind of” works but not enough for me to truly believe in it. So my solution? Start afresh…scrap every old method and start from scratch. Try a method, see how it affects my skin, my mood and then see if it is realistically something I can do and more than anything, want to do long term. If I don’t want to do it then it will become a chore, a negative and eczema has enough negativity already so it won’t be something I commit to will it?

I want a successful, long term way to deal with eczema….and I’m determined to find it.

Hope you’ll help me along the way and share your thoughts, stories and opinions.

All the best and wish me luck!

Comments
6 Responses to “I’m back…and so is my eczema…..”
  1. Reply to my eczema is back.
    I suffer quite badly with this condition and have spend a fortune on creams, acupuncture and an allergy test. However, I do know that what we eat these days has an enormous effect on our bodies and minds. I have recently switched to a gluten-free diet, which is not as hard as you think. I feel so much better ; for instance I can think so much more clearly, I do not feel ‘ down’ all the time, which I was. I have lots more energy. My digestion is far improved to before hand. I started 2 weeks ago and now I can see a difference in my eczema too; it is calming down. Therefore I deduced that if your body is sensitive or intolerant to a substance and if you have the eczema gene, then you can be sure your skin will break out. It makes sense really because your poor stomach is trying to digest what is bad for it and your skin protests. I hope this helps. One final point, a raw food diet is perfect to improve skin conditions, which I also intend to practice. I will the ditch all the ‘ convenience ‘ foods, along with the additives and colourings which do not do our bodies any favours, after all fresh is best . Here’s hoping it works for you.

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  2. Erik says:

    probiotics and Chobani yogurt seem to be helping me..not sure if it’s coincidence or what. Some of what I have read says “get your gut right” and some says lay off all milk products..so who knows for sure!

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  3. I really enjoy reading your blog and I can’t help but think our eczema is pretty similar. I’m a female in my 20s and had mild eczema as a young child. In the past couple years I have had rashes come back gradually and persist with a vengeance, but they also come and go and I can’t pinpoint a trigger! I’ve tried SO many things and sunk hundreds of dollars into trying to help it. It’s most maddening on my face and neck, but like you, I also get it random places like stomach, back, legs, ears, hands, etc. I have flares way more around my left eye than my right even though I put the same stuff on both sides of my face, so I know the frustration. And I know EXACTLY what you mean about being apprehensive when you wake up and dreading that first look in the mirror wondering if you are going to have a ‘good skin’ day or not. I have an eczema blog too if you would like to check it out: eczemaexcellence.wordpress.com. Please know I am wishing you all the best as you hopefully bring your eczema into remission and can feel comfortable in your skin again!

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  4. Lovie says:

    I know exactly what you mean. After a round of cortizone cream from the doctor, I got comfortable and now I see the eczema creeping back. I mostly have it on my feet. A friend gave me a soy candle he made and after taking a relaxing bath (with epsom salts, that seems to help), I blew out the candle and used the wax on my feet. Soy wax is not as hot as regular wax and it made a great coating to hold in moisture.
    I hope you feel beautiful for your birthday.
    Lovie

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    • Thank you, I hope it will be a good day too…we deserve good birthdays too!

      I have never heard of soy wax? What do you do with it exactly?

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      • Lovie says:

        Soy wax burns at a lower heat so it doesn’t burn and it felt really good on my skin. Soy wax is a hydrogenated form of soybean oil. I blew the candle out and just smeared it on (which would be way too hot if it were regular wax). It just felt smooth. The whole pagentry of a bath and a candle and then going to bed puts me in a good mental place which I am convinced helps!

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